Guest post by James Pogue, PHD
Real Change Happens When We See Ourselves Differently
The Eyes of Others
One of the lessons many of us have learned – or perhaps taught to others – is to be aware that the way others see us matters. While they may not determine who, when, and what we are, it does matter…at least to them.
We have also been taught that the opinions of others ought not to be the reason we change. That the opinion of that boss, colleague, spouse, partner or significant other (or ex-significant other) should not hold sway over who we are and how we live our lives.
Well, if two things can be true – and I believe they can – then these two statements are not in conflict,
Instead, they must be viewed in context.
Meaning that the context of the person who is providing an opinion matters and that there are times when a comment ought to mean nothing and other times when that same comment ought to mean everything.
Mine Own Eyes
Regardless of the power or influence a person may have (or not), the ability for them to move you, impact you, motivate or inspire you is measured by how you see yourself, not how they see you.
The words and impact of others can be a catalyst for us…the match that ignites but it is not the flame. That must come from inside.
There is no one who can convince you that you are great unless somewhere inside yourself you believe you have the capacity to be so. It may be deep and hidden underneath personal rubble and rubbish, but it must be there.
Ironically, the reverse is true as well. No one can convince you that you have been dastardly and cruel unless you know it to be true, at some level.
I am a testimony to both sides of this coin; perhaps you are as well.
I have misbehaved and not been a good or great person. And there have been times when, while I was in the hurricane of life, I did not see it and my chief concern was not the welfare of others. And I recall the words of friends who inspired in me a vision of myself that was equal parts accurate and ugly.
This gift that my friends provided me also presented me with a clear choice.
Once I saw myself differently, was I willing to make the change and be the person I wanted to be? In truth, the answer has not always been yes, but I am working on it.
I’m not done yet.
James
Ps: …and no… What I have written does not apply to all of us all the time…just most of us most of the time.
#TheRIGHTKindOfUncomfortable #TheArtOfConnection
Event Announcement
Join Valentina and James live on December 3rd, 2024 to explore how seeing ourselves through the eyes of others is a fundamental engine for self-growth.
Register now to attend “Know Thy Partner, Know Thyself” live or via zoom by clicking on the button below.
December 3, 2024, 6 to 9 PM
Nook Bar & Lounge, 4F, Harilela House, 79, Wyndham Street, Central Hong Kong
