‘How do I know he is The One’ is a question I hear all the time. Is there a magic formula? A way to JUST KNOW?
My last post (here) covered some of the reasons why women in particular struggle with love in the modern world: finding it, recognising it, trusting it when it’s there.
One of those reasons was believing love is like a fairy tale. Disney taught us that unless there is some fairy dust in the air we cannot know love is real. But well, just like Prince Charming isn’t real, the answer is not in the amount of sparkle we see when we meet someone.
For me the answer is a choice, an attitude shift.
Some people I talked to were almost disappointed that my teachings (they said!) almost took the magic out of love! Why?
Because I advocate a concept that scares a lot of people: that finding the love of your life is no different – as a process – than going after your dream job.
It is actually called Conscious Dating (you might remember seeing these words in an older post but here is the link again just in case).
And yes it is a process and a mindset shift. A revolutionary approach to fulfilling your innermost desire – that of finding the perfect partner.
And it’s the surest way to know you found real love!
Because you know for sure what isn’t real. You’ve seen the options and made your choices and step by step, date by date you narrowed it down to one person that meets all your needs, that loves you for who you are, without questions or doubts.
So, how is that like looking for a job, you may wonder.
It’s simple actually!
If you were looking for your dream job, you would not sit tight in your less-than-satisfying one waiting to be headhunted, right? You would have a plan and work tirelessly to network, to connect with people and companies that could make that happen. And you would not be disappointed you didn’t get jobs that were not a good fit. You might even look into learning new skills to make it possible for you to be the best possible candidate (expensive MBA’s anyone??)
So why is finding love different, when it is – for most people – even more important that that dream job?
Instead of sitting around waiting to be chosen start taking charge. Become the Chooser.
Being a Chooser means
1. You are in charge of your life and your happiness.
2. You have the right and power to make the choices that lead you to the love you dream of and are not dependent on anyone else to make it happen.
3. You are ready and willing to take responsibility for all events in your life and are comfortable with accepting the outcomes! And that’s because you always know what to expect and are prepared for it: it is part of your master plan.
When it comes to relationships you have the ultimate power to decide who is good for you and delivers on all your expectations. The Chooser accepts no half-measures. You don’t have to settle for someone just because they seem to do everything right or because they chose you. Being a Chooser means you have to know he is The One or you’re moving on.
And it is just like looking for the dream job: because you know what you want and have a clear plan for how to make that happen. It also means you will keep looking until you know you are exactly where you wanted to be without wasting time with people who simply are not good enough. And when you get there, you will just know he is The One, because everything will fall into place and doubts will disappear.
That’s where the magic is. Choosing to take action is the most effective magic wand you can possibly have.
Because being the Chooser – just like getting the dream job – requires a special set of skills, my next post will cover the four dating strategies that make it possible for you to become a Conscious Dater and a Chooser.
You will learn how to recognise red flags, identify unproductive attitudes and mismatched values and, most importantly, create your own ways of knowing how to tell he is The One.
Stay tuned for more!
