Dating in the Internet age

Long distance relationships

 I recently read the article below and, while it made me smile, it also reminded me that the wonderful city we live in is not always the easiest place to be single.

Cupid is elusive

Most of the single people I know have tried some form of online dating in one form or another. Whether Tinder, OK Cupid or Lovestruck, the internet seems like the easy way out of loneliness. But is it really?

I think a sort of ‘online dating fatigue’ is starting to happen. Just because it’s easy to swipe left or right it doesn’t mean that real love is at your fingertips

All the promises and success stories of online dating seem to generate a similar response “It’s great to have a lot of choices, but it takes a lot of time and I don’t seem to meet anyone I have much chemistry with.”

This trend makes sense to me. In some ways, using a computer to find your soul mate is like trying to cook a souffle in a microwave. Some things just require time, effort and the human touch.

Top Five Advantages of Internet Dating 

1. You can reach more people in a shorter time and with less effort

2. It’s (mostly) free

3. Enough information is available for you to decide yes or no

4. It’s (mostly) anonymous

5. Easy to control most aspects of the process

Top Five Downsides of Internet Dating 

1. Overwhelming number of choices

2. Encourages “shopping” mentality

3. Many users are less than truthful

4. Some users are game players, predators, cheaters

5. Creates complacency – tempting to rely on the internet and exclude other options

On top of it all, how do you know if you have chemistry with someone you meet online?

It seems a little too easy to be relying solely on your computer and expect it to deliver your soul mate. The internet is a wonderful tool (I use it a lot!) but it doesn’t seem to work effectively if it’s the only place you’re looking for potential partners.

I believe that the two biggest reasons why online dating doesn’t work for many people is the role of chemistry and the Law of Attraction.

Chemistry is critically important for a successful relationship. Everyone wants a partner they feel strong chemistry with, and a relationship would be pretty dry and unsustainable without it. In my Conscious Dating seminars I talk about the importance of “Balancing Your Heart With Your Head.” Identifying your requirements, needs, and wants does not minimize the need for chemistry. You need both! I like to think of chemistry as the radar that helps you find your target, then you use your requirements, needs and wants to decide “yes” or “no.”

If you are shy and the internet is your only means of reaching potential partners, in a way you’re hiding behind your computer and the Law of Attraction is not likely to help you. The Law of Attraction states that “like attracts like” and “energy follows attention,” meaning your results reflect your thoughts and your actions. Just like “what goes up must come down,” try as you might, you can’t avoid or change the principle that “like attracts like.”

If you’re hiding behind your computer, what people, relationships, and results are you likely to attract?

Top Five Ways to Find Your Perfect Partner Without a Computer 

1. Use your support community 

Most people find their soul mate through someone they know, so don’t be a lone ranger and lean on your friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors to assist you to meet potential partners.

2. Start a dating pool or networking group 

Get a group of people together (any gender mix) to support each other to meet potential partners. Most people know lots of other singles of both genders, so pool your resources and do some matchmaking for each other! If this is not something you feel ready to start yourself you can join my singles group below:

Find Love Meetup Group

3. Reach out to people 

In today’s busy world with cell phones, texting, instant messaging, e-mail, and the internet promoting impersonal ways of interacting with others, it’s easy to forget the lost art of engagement with real people that are right in front of you. Make an effort to reach out to the people you come into contact with in your everyday life and watch your relationships blossom.

4. Make more friends 

Since most people find their soul mate through someone they know, be open to developing new friendships and expanding your support community. Chances are you already have acquaintances at work and other places that you would enjoy spending more time with. Friends are easier to find than dates, and friendships often last longer than romantic relationships!

5. Get involved 

Too many singles lead isolated lives centered around work, home and a few friends. Participating in clubs, groups, classes, charities is the most important way you can leverage the Law of Attraction to help you find your soul mate. You’ll meet new people, make new friends, and pursue hobbies and interests important to you that bring you in contact with other compatible singles.

Balancing High Tech with High Touch

While technology can help us in many ways, let’s not forget that as humans we are social beings and finding your life partner is a relationship goal that is most effectively acheived by getting away from your computer and living a full, rich life among real people doing the things you enjoy that make your life meaningful.


I’m Valentina Tudose,
Hong Kong’s Number 1 Relationship Coach


Your Ideal Love Match:
Your Personal Blueprint to Happiness