3 Questions To Get You Out Of A Midlife Crisis

Woman celebrating victory and release

This January I turned 50. Even though, most of the time, I find it hard to believe I’ve been around this long, it gave me some pause to reflect on life and where I am going.


I noticed there are a lot of number patterns in my life right now:


50 years living in this body

20 years living in Hong Kong

10 years as a relationship coach …


When we reach this kind of milestone, it’s only natural we feel the need to take stock and decide whether we want to maintain the status quo or recognize we have outgrown our comfort zone.

I know I am not alone in feeling stagnant and in need of a change because I have just attended a lovely event where this whole society-wide ‘malaise’ was palpable. Someone even presented data showing the entire world is going through a midlife crisis.



You do not need to be around 50 to feel this.

It can happen at any point when things we know well and feel comfortable doing and being are no longer satisfying.

It’s starts often with boredom. Achievements that used to be meaningful feel flat. Compliments and attention feel common and there’s a sense something important is missing.

Relationships that used to be exciting and fun are feeling more like a wet blanket.

For some people, it’s a lot worse. Anxiety, illness, and depression are all symptoms that indicate we have ignored this pull for too long and we need to take action.


Yes, I almost hear you groan, but WHAT?

What can we really do when all we feel like is crawling in a corner and staying put until something changes that brings back the fun times.

That is however not at all how change happens.

In my home country, we have a lovely saying roughly translated as ‘appetite comes with eating’. It feels like the right approach in this situation. We need to start sipping from the fountain of change to shift the energy of routine and habit towards breaking new ground.

I feel fortunate that, for me, this is not the first time this is happening.

It’s a sort of déjà vu, reminding me that every time in the past when I tried to hold on to something that felt safe and precious, all I really needed to do was let go.

With that release, it was like a dam broke and a waterfall of new energy started bringing in powerful change.

I am applying this tried and tested process to my life once again and I am starting to feel the excitement for whatever new version of myself is about to emerge.

 Are you feeling this too?

Here are 3 questions I like to start with, just in case you also feel the impulse to push yourself out of this dark space. You can use them to journal, make voice recordings or discuss them with a friend, coach or therapist (if you’re more of a talker like me).


  • What is alive inside of me right now (What are my thoughts and feelings, what do I become aware of inside of me?)

This question may seem odd and challenging and it’s maybe because we rarely take the time to acknowledge what is going on inside us – if we only take a break from ‘doing’, and pause to ‘just be’. Notice what feels restrictive or uncomfortable and push into it vs. what feels ‘in flow’ and let this guide you in your quest for change. 


  • What am I most passionate about?

Contrary to what most people believe, the word ‘passion’ comes from a Latin verb that means ‘to suffer’. Being passionate about something means “What are you willing to suffer for?”  What kind of change are you willing/able to create in the world through your efforts? This is a wonderful indication that you have to lean towards those things that are not necessarily easy but that can impact your life and that of others in a powerful way.



  • What is of ultimate concern to me? 

This is a big question and one that can open a lot of doors of opportunity. Many people I work with tell me they cannot create change because they have tried ‘everything’ and it didn’t work out. In reality, they tried the same thing over and over again and gave up looking for new ways of getting what they wanted. So try this: close your eyes, focus on your body, take three deep breaths and ask yourself this question. The first thing that comes up in your awareness is your starting point.


Are you ready to push out of this crisis?

If you want faster results and the complete protocol I apply to my life when a breakthrough is needed, I also put this in a short e-book you can download at this link. It’s free and it contains my whole formula for change.





I’m Valentina Tudose,
Hong Kong’s Number 1 Relationship Coach


Your Ideal Love Match:
Your Personal Blueprint to Happiness