Why are we attracted to certain people while others leave us completely cold?

What makes someone compatible ?

This age old question finally found an interesting answer when Dr Helen Fisher, a well known anthropologist and human behaviour researcher, developed a study that was able to confirm that, far from being magic, who we love is really determined by our personality type.

Based on analysing over 30,000 people’s responses to her unique personality test, as well as real life preferences found in thousands of  online dating profiles, she concluded that we are attracted to different types of people depending on unique combinations of basic chemicals flooding our brain during our formative years, which determine what we find appealing in a potential partner.

She outlines the process and her findings in her book Why him, why her where she  describes four distinct personality types that are manifested in all of us (to a greater or lesser extent) and whose combinations are creating patterns of behaviour able to predict who is most likely to be our best match.

She names these types:

Explorer

Builder

Director

Negotiator.

Each of these personality types are influenced by the significant presence and activity of some very powerful chemicals that define who we are: two sex hormones (testosterone and estrogen) and two neurotransmitters (dopamine and serotonin).

These compounds affect our personality in different ways and they also determine what traits we find most attractive in a partner.

Dr Fisher found that some personality types are attracted to complementary opposites, while others are attracted to similar traits enhancing their own strengths.

For example Explorers (who are a product of high dopamine activity) seek adventure, love to experience pleasure (dopamine is also known as the pleasure hormone), are curious,  impulsive and have a great disregard for authority. As such they are usually best matched with other Explorers as together they can experience endless adventures and give into their passions.

By contrast, Builders (who are influenced by serotonin which is known to influence calm and well being) are loyal, traditional and very social. They love stability, being the Pillars of Society but also creating communities and selfless giving. They are also mostly drawn to other Builders as they share a lot of fundamental values that help them connect and focus on the important things in life.

Negotiators and Directors are great matches for each other as they are each driven by male and female sex hormones. Directors are a product of high testosterone and are therefore independent and  analytical, decisive, competitive and direct. These traits make them sometimes cold and lacking social skills, for which Negotiators compensate with their high empathy, ability to see the bigger picture and above average intuition and creativity. They help Directors with long-term planning and consensus building, all the while being flexible, socially skilled, empathetic and nurturing.

Find out your own personality type by taking the Love Match Test right here and learn how to find your ideal partner.

If you want to learn more about this and deepen your knowledge of how to manage the magic of falling in love join me for the next free workshop How to know he is The One on Thursday, April 21 at 7 pm.

Register now at the link above.