Dating apps have made a big impact on our sex lives.
They simplified the challenge of meeting people in a world where we spend more and more time at work. Now we can no longer blame being single on the old excuse that ‘there are no men out there’. Hundreds or even thousands of single (or mostly-single) men are available 24/7, literally at our fingertips.
Even though it may not seem like it, women do have all the power over who they connect with on a dating app. Even more importantly, who they choose to meet in real life.
This abundance comes with a series of new challenges. Just because connections are so easy to make, should they also lead immediately in the bedroom?
It is very common that a man’s opening line in a Tinder conversation will be directly asking if the girl is interested in a hookup.
“Your place or mine?”, DTF? (AKA ‘Down to fuck’), “Would you like to come over to my hotel room?”…
These guys know that if you don’t ask, you don’t get. So success is simply a numbers game. If you ask 100 girls, you have a good chance of finding someone who’s gonna say ‘yes’ eventually.
Not everyone is that brutally honest though, so what about those times when the possibility of sex is only implied in the invitation?
Do say ‘yes’ to sex on a first date if:
1. You are in a phase in your life when you are not looking for anything serious and are just looking for partners to have fun with.
2. You are clear that you are not using this opportunity to ‘bond’ the man to you and show him what a great catch you are for a serious relationship.
3. You can tell the difference between lust and love. You will not get clingy just because you had an amazing night together (should you be so lucky!).
4. You do not expect this ONS (one-night-stand) to evolve into anything else
5. You have clearly expressed your boundaries around safe sex. You know what you are comfortable with trying and you are sure you can enforce these boundaries even when you feel high levels of attraction
Don’t say ‘yes’ to sex on a first date if:
1. What you really want is a committed relationship and want a chance to create a deeper level of emotional and intellectual connection. This takes time and communication outside of the bedroom!
2. You mistake sexual attraction for ‘love’. Yes, love needs sex to survive, but sex can be very fun in the absence of love so learn to separate the two.
3. You have a tendency to easily fall for men who pay attention to you. Once the desire is satisfied, you may notice a distinct drop in interest which is very likely to make you feel bad about yourself.
4. You’re looking for a partner who is interested in you beyond the physical attraction – even if not really in a committed sense. Sex is an important component of intimacy but the more the partners know each other before they get naked, the deeper the experience.
5. You do it to please the other person because you are afraid he will reject you if you say ‘no’. The way we allow people to treat us educates them on what we are willing to tolerate. Once this benchmark is set, that person will always think this behavior is acceptable, so they will not be willing to give you what you deserve and you will always be left wanting.
Most importantly, ask for what YOU want!