If you thought the best way to become good at sex is to follow what you see in porn, you may think all a woman needs to have a good time in bed is penetration. Lots and lots of it, the harder, the better.🙄
That makes a lot of sense if you have a male brain 🍆. That’s because penetration not only gives men a high level of physical stimulation, but it also works very effectively on their minds. Male brains are wired to process visual stimuli in a very direct way which leads to rapid sexual arousal and a fast track to orgasm (which is the whole point of porn, after all). (However, not all porn is bad as you can see in this article here, where I talk about how porn can actually enhance your sex life when used right).
But what about us girls?
Once scientists have bothered to actually check what makes a woman ‘tick’, they confirmed we care a lot less for penetration than men. That’s because penetration alone is for 70% of women the equivalent of just rubbing the balls without touching the penis.😂🤷♀️
Here are 3 positions that provide the best clitoral stimulation during sex (so you never have to send the man home so you can masturbate in private).
Even if it may seem boring, this position provides great opportunities for direct skin-to-skin and eye-to-eye contact. This is fundamental for intimacy and increasing oxytocin and dopamine levels. It also allows you to determine the most pleasurable amount of pressure and friction on your clitoris when you grind your pubic bone against your partner. To make the most of it, make sure you push against him in the way that feels right for you, for mind-blowing results.
Remember a little lube goes a long way and can make even the lightest touch much more pleasurable.
Legs on Shoulders (or the Butt Lift)
This is a great position that allows penetration at an adjustable angle, especially if you place a pillow under your lower back. It’s also perfect for maintaining eye contact and allowing the man to observe your facial expressions, which is how he knows he is doing the right thing. Another significant benefit is that it shortens the vaginal canal, making it easier for the penis to hit your G-spot. This is especially useful if your man is small to average, showing once again that size doesn’t really matter if you know what you’re doing. The best bit is that there is enough space between your bodies for manual clitoral stimulation, yay!
This is a great position for you to touch yourself, either using fingers or a toy or even asking your man to directly stimulate your clitoris while you just look seductively into his eyes.
This is an often underrated classic position, great for those times when you want to be in control of the depth, angle, and speed of penetration as well as the amount of pressure on your clitoris. Simply straddle your partner facing him and find the right rhythm going back and forth making sure to keep your pelvis in contact with his at all times. He will love having your gorgeous nipples so close to his face, while you can decide exactly how slow or fast you need to move to make yourself go ‘ahhh’. Add generous amounts of lube and you can even consider experimenting with some of the hands-free vibrators that can really maximize your pleasure.
Remember that in truth you are more likely to get pleasure from gliding forwards and backwards against his body rather than bouncing up and down (which is not only tiring but also does nothing for the clit).
With this in mind don’t be afraid to show your partner what feels good, either through mutual masturbation or giving him verbal feedback and positive reinforcement when he does hit that magical spot.
And of course, let us now forget all the other ways he can take you to the 9th heaven by direct clitoral stimulation in all the other ways that do NOT involve the penis. Most men actually need to take some serious lessons in the clit sucking department and this is exactly what my friends at the School of Squirt are doing. You can check (and share!) their awesome tips and tricks on what it takes to experience mind-blowing clitoral orgasms: it’s all here.
If you want more reasons to make room for as much sex as possible in your life, also check out this article on my friend Megan’s blog.
Article first published in Chines in Marie Claire Hong Kong.